Contentment

I started out this year searching for contentment. I have quite literally everything I need and pretty much anything a girl could want. Why do I feel like a piece of the puzzle is missing? Certainly, I should be content with what I have and where I'm at. So my search began. I started by examining my goals. I was sure I'd be more content if I focused on growing my faith and becoming a better mom and wife. Yes, I'd be content once I was a better person.

Try as I may, somedays I rock at motherhood and other days I flop! Hard. I get annoyed, impatient, or snap with a sharp tone. Surely I can try harder. I did. And I do still (I just offer myself more grace these days). I've come a long way, but I'm still making improvements. My husband, my poor husband. He gets whatever energy the kids haven't used up. I rarely offer him enough. When I do, I shortchange the kids. I hardly ever succeed at being supermom and an amazing wife in the same day. Even with significant progress (in my mind), contentment remains elusive. 

I started reading the Bible this spring (first time ever for this lifelong Christian). I knew if there was anything I needed to make time for in my life, it was faith. When I first started out I felt compelled, encouraged. I swear at times I felt Gods guidance in my thoughts. Once the novelty wore off and chaos set in, the battles began. I felt like that clarity I felt had gone missing. I longed for its return. What happened? Why? My faith was growing stronger by the day, but it still was not enough. I want more! I need more!! Tell me more a God! I need a clearer sign.

You see I learned something about life, and faith, and contentment this year. I learned the more we're given, the more we desire. And it's not all greedy. And it's actually okay. You see our hearts will only be complete when we're made whole in heaven. It's the way we were designed. We are supposed to feel restless on earth! It's what drives us to God. It's what fuels us to want to be better-spouses, parents, friends, better versions of ourselves. It drives us to utilize our God given abilities.

Striving for contentment is like chasing the wind. While it can motivate you, don't let your restlessness rob you of joy. Choose to see the joy amidst the chaos. Stop chasing perfection or contentment or other fleeting nonexistent false senses of peace. Just let it be. Go ahead and strive to be better, but understand this life on earth is a journey, heaven is the only destination we'll ever arrive at. You won't feel complete here, you're not supposed to.

May God bless you with peace.

Better is a handful of quietness than two hands full of toil and a striving after wind.-Ecclesiastes 4:6

And I commend joy, for man has nothing better under the sun but to eat and drink and be joyful, for this will go with him in his toil through the days of his life that God has given him under the sun.-Ecclesiastes 8:15

Patience in the Old Testament

Recently, I started longing for more than just having faith and offering up of prayers. I craved a true relationship with our magnificent creator. I began to feel a strong urge to read the bible. How else can I truly create a relationship with God without knowing his story? I'm not sure I can truly explain it other than feeling the need to build a true deeper relationship with the lord through reading his word.

Reading the New Testament came easy. It's messages and verses are so beautiful and uplifting. Generally, I can easily connect to the New Testament and don't struggle to mediate on it, or receive a deep meaningful connection with what is written.

Then, I started reading the Old Testament. Yikes. I found it depressing and confusing. With wars, sacrifices, and burnt offerings, I became a little discouraged. I found a great article (I so wish I remember the source, I'll add it if I can find it), confirming its okay if you cannot always connect with the bible and if every reading doesn't offer you those beautiful butterflies fluttering in your soul. So I forged forward with the bible reading plan I had picked via an app called: She Reads Truth (I highly recommend it).

I've been reading all about Samul, Saul, and David (1 Samuel and 2 Samuel specifically). Let's focus on David, because that's where my realizations occurred.

First, he was a heroine; strong, brave, and obedient. Then after many years and many wars, he took multiple wives and repeatedly, bluntly failed to obey God. I became angry with David, and God was too as David was often punished. Why did God still love and bother to offer him so many chances? Surely, I would have given up on him and found someone else qualified to carry out my will. This is when I realized the Old Testament was laying the foundation for Jesus' entrance. It was teaching me how merciful and graceful our God is. How truly unconditional his love is. How badly and relentlessly he seeks our hearts. Wow.

Again, as I was reading I came across a verse where God "spoke" to David as he often does. Seeking discernment in my own life, I laughed aloud, " ha, how awesome would it be if God would literally speak to me in a loud booming voice." Imagine, a great light shines and voice of great authotity opens up and commands the vision of his will for my life. Incredible right? Like a brick wall it hit me. God had to speak directly to David. This was before Christ had come to earth to grant us the blessing of the Holy Spirit. The famines and diseases David was punished with were before God had sent us his own son, Jesus Christ, whom died to free us from the sins of our disobedience; to purchase for us eternal salvation. A salvation that is not earned by you or I, but that is granted out of Gods sheer mercy and love, and Jesus' ultimate sacrafice.

Reading the Bible isn't always beautiful. Some days I cannot see Gods message for me no matter how hard I stretch and strain. But, the greatest blessings are found through patience and perservernce. Keep reaching and God will "rewards those who diligently seek him"-Hebrews 11:6.

Luke 8:15 As for that in the good soil, they are those who, hearing the word, hold it fast in an honest and good heart, and bear fruit with patience.

Hebrews 6:12 so that you may not be sluggish, but imitators of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises.

James 1:12 Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trail, for when he has stood test he will receive the crown of life which God has promised to those who love him.
Galatians 6:19 And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.

God's Love

I remember being taught God loved me as a young child. However, it wasn't until recently that I began to understand the depth and unconditional qualities of his love.

God's love is unconditional. God loves you the same on your bad days as he loves you on your best days. He doesn't love you more when you spend a small fortune in donations, just as he doesn't love you any less when you fail him. Regardless of how many times you fail him. He loves you the same ALWAYS. And he love us all EQUALLY! His love for you is quite possibly the most constant and consistent thing in existence. He loves you immeasurably just the way you are. That being said, the ability to please God and obtain his favor are completely separate from his steadfast love.

God's love is eternal. God loved you before you were even formed. You were uniquely crafted, exquisitely by him to his liking, for his will. And I am certain he will continue to love you long after your time on earth is complete.

Although truly understanding God's love is beyond our human grasp, the closest relatable  and tangible love we can experience is the love of a parent for a child. No matter what your child does whether you swell with pride or shutter with disappointment your love for your child remains the same, constant and unaffected. Now, take the most incredible love we are able to comprehend, parental love, and try and grasp what God gave us in Jesus. God sent his only son here to Earth to expiernce both love and pain, and ultimately sacrifice his life and save us. It's mind blowing, humbling, and inspiring.

God's love is limitless. There is quite literally nothing you can do to escape his love. A love, which is deeper, and stronger than we can imagine. Rejoice and be glad. How marvelous it is to be loved so deeply and unconditionally.

Bible verses to consider:

Ephesians 3:16-19
16that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, 18may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, 19and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

Romans 8:39
39nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

John 4:8
8Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.