Contentment

I started out this year searching for contentment. I have quite literally everything I need and pretty much anything a girl could want. Why do I feel like a piece of the puzzle is missing? Certainly, I should be content with what I have and where I'm at. So my search began. I started by examining my goals. I was sure I'd be more content if I focused on growing my faith and becoming a better mom and wife. Yes, I'd be content once I was a better person.

Try as I may, somedays I rock at motherhood and other days I flop! Hard. I get annoyed, impatient, or snap with a sharp tone. Surely I can try harder. I did. And I do still (I just offer myself more grace these days). I've come a long way, but I'm still making improvements. My husband, my poor husband. He gets whatever energy the kids haven't used up. I rarely offer him enough. When I do, I shortchange the kids. I hardly ever succeed at being supermom and an amazing wife in the same day. Even with significant progress (in my mind), contentment remains elusive. 

I started reading the Bible this spring (first time ever for this lifelong Christian). I knew if there was anything I needed to make time for in my life, it was faith. When I first started out I felt compelled, encouraged. I swear at times I felt Gods guidance in my thoughts. Once the novelty wore off and chaos set in, the battles began. I felt like that clarity I felt had gone missing. I longed for its return. What happened? Why? My faith was growing stronger by the day, but it still was not enough. I want more! I need more!! Tell me more a God! I need a clearer sign.

You see I learned something about life, and faith, and contentment this year. I learned the more we're given, the more we desire. And it's not all greedy. And it's actually okay. You see our hearts will only be complete when we're made whole in heaven. It's the way we were designed. We are supposed to feel restless on earth! It's what drives us to God. It's what fuels us to want to be better-spouses, parents, friends, better versions of ourselves. It drives us to utilize our God given abilities.

Striving for contentment is like chasing the wind. While it can motivate you, don't let your restlessness rob you of joy. Choose to see the joy amidst the chaos. Stop chasing perfection or contentment or other fleeting nonexistent false senses of peace. Just let it be. Go ahead and strive to be better, but understand this life on earth is a journey, heaven is the only destination we'll ever arrive at. You won't feel complete here, you're not supposed to.

May God bless you with peace.

Better is a handful of quietness than two hands full of toil and a striving after wind.-Ecclesiastes 4:6

And I commend joy, for man has nothing better under the sun but to eat and drink and be joyful, for this will go with him in his toil through the days of his life that God has given him under the sun.-Ecclesiastes 8:15